What lies beneath

December 2, 2006 at 5:22 pm | Posted in Adoption Updates | 2 Comments

I had a very strange emotional moment this week while watching Grey’s Anatomy.  Ed took Bean over to his Dad’s house to visit with family in from out of town and I stayed home to wallow in a pile of kleenex and a huge mug of chocolate ice cream.  An added bonus:  half a chopped up Hershey’s Dark Chocolate bar.  I was reveling in the silence and the reprieve it brought to my pounding head and watching T.V. live time.  No Tivo delay.  Aahhh…what a treat.  

Well our t.v. is set in an entertainment center that also hold precious photos of our families; most of the kids and some of those who are no longer with us.  And there is a picture of Henry.  Sitting in that hilarious red chair.  Looking at me with those eyes that seem to say “Hey, when are you coming?”  During this really emotional scene when Meredith explains that a new born baby is sick and needs surgery, my eyes glance over at Henry’s picture and I feel it.  It’s that twinge you get in your heart when you miss someone.  When you long to see their face, hear their voice, touch their skin, smell their smell.  And I was shocked.  It was the first time, I think, that I missed him.  Even though I’ve never seen him in the flesh.  And it made me feel like he was a part of me that was missing.  That he had been here and now was missing.

So the waiting is getting harder.  Not all the time harder but harder in moments like these that seem to be creeping into my day.  I know we can’t expect to hear anything until mid-January at the earliest but I wonder when the excitement of Christmas has passed and we’ve rung in the new year, how will the waiting be? 

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  1. You know, when I think of you, aside from the image of your face and little beans, the first one that comes to my mind is of your boy king. I love that picture and he is like the ultimate prize awarded to those that are the most patient and understanding of parents. Parents that adopt go through more before their child joins their family than many families go through in a lifetime.

    Hold tight. Love on your bean. Your hubby. Hunker down. The waiting is always the worst, of everything.

    xxxXXXoooOOO

  2. It’s hard. I am sorry. Soon, you will be looking at a picture of brother and bean–together. Big Hug. k


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