Sliding Doors

March 27, 2010 at 9:58 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Was a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow which follows her character at a crossroads in life and the outcome of two choices she makes on one particular day.  I loved seeing the flip side of the not-so-perfect twists and turns that life sends our way.  And I loved her alter-ego hair.  It was super short and sleek and sexy and sophisticated.  I got my hair cut like her but it backfired and I looked more like I had a mushroom sitting on top of my head.

I digress….sliding doors….it got me thinking today about opportunities in my life that could have gone another way.  I don’t really like to think of them as regrets.  I used to say that I lived with no regrets because if I could be happy in the moment, then the experiences leading up to that  moment must have been worth it.  But now… when things aren’t so smooth and pretty….when things are kinda ugly…..I’m beginning to think back about those sliding doors and where I could be today.  Instead of sitting in a house that is in the same town I grew up in…..where would I be?  The things that I have found most comforting and familiar are now feeling like a hangman’s noose tightening ever so slowly as I slide down the slope towards middle age.

Perhaps this is a crisis…yes, merely a mid-life crisis.  Everyone has those, right?  So I am not alone.  Right?  So when I run screaming from the room with no real destination in mind no one will think too much of it and simply carry on with their lives as if a mad woman has not just crossed their path.  Hindsight is 20/20, no?  But isn’t 20/20 considered perfect vision….and if hindsight is perfect then where the fuck does that leave me?  Drowning in the present, reaching for the past and missing my future?  Hell if I know.

Can I just….

March 22, 2010 at 10:04 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

say no thank you?  Even though I should probably just say yes and be the bigger person and do “the right thing”.  But when every fiber of your self is screaming “YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO DO THIS” how do you turn it off?  So can I pretty please just say no thank you and can we still be friends and move on?

You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go

March 11, 2010 at 8:50 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

It’s amazing the things you can miss when they may be on the brink of leaving.  As we’re beginning the move into Spring I almost miss the quiet of winter with its hushed blanket of snow covering the ground.  Its virginal apparition promising us that life will soon begin anew with warmer temperatures and thawing ground.  When in reality the frigid temperatures, slushy, black snow and terminally filthy cars slam my clouded vision back into focus.  Aside from the brief moments of absolute beauty I am not even remotely a fan of winter.  There is a magic that coats the earth and stifles its murmur into a peace that is inexplicable unless you’ve stood on your driveway, ankle-deep in the fluffy stuff and been able to hear your neighbor across the street without shouting.   And nature has a way of erasing the unpleasantness of every season leaving us with an idealized notion of what is to come. So I bid winter adieu and welcome Spring with open arms…until I’m so sick of the rain and mud I turn my thoughts to the ideal summer…without the heat and humidity…..


March 3, 2010 at 8:41 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Child.  Daughter.  Sister.  Friend.  Playmate.  Explorer.  Confidiant.  Pest.  Gymnast.  Leader.  Follower.  Teen.  Dreamer.  Wanderer.  Girlfriend.  Scapegoat.  Avoider.  Student.  Worker.  Borderline alcoholic.  Renter.  Lover.   Independent.  Searcher.  Lover.  Homeowner.  Fiancee.  Wife.  Graduate.  Mother.  Protector.  Dictator.  Ghost.

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