Sliding Doors

March 27, 2010 at 9:58 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Was a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow which follows her character at a crossroads in life and the outcome of two choices she makes on one particular day.  I loved seeing the flip side of the not-so-perfect twists and turns that life sends our way.  And I loved her alter-ego hair.  It was super short and sleek and sexy and sophisticated.  I got my hair cut like her but it backfired and I looked more like I had a mushroom sitting on top of my head.

I digress….sliding doors….it got me thinking today about opportunities in my life that could have gone another way.  I don’t really like to think of them as regrets.  I used to say that I lived with no regrets because if I could be happy in the moment, then the experiences leading up to that  moment must have been worth it.  But now…..now when things aren’t so smooth and pretty….when things are kinda ugly…..I’m beginning to think back about those sliding doors and where I could be today.  Instead of sitting in a house that is in the same town I grew up in…..where would I be?  The things that I have found most comforting and familiar are now feeling like a hangman’s noose tightening ever so slowly as I slide down the slope towards middle age.

Perhaps this is a crisis…yes, merely a mid-life crisis.  Everyone has those, right?  So I am not alone.  Right?  So when I run screaming from the room with no real destination in mind no one will think too much of it and simply carry on with their lives as if a mad woman has not just crossed their path.  Hindsight is 20/20, no?  But isn’t 20/20 considered perfect vision….and if hindsight is perfect then where the fuck does that leave me?  Drowning in the present, reaching for the past and missing my future?  Hell if I know.

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