Big Girls Don’t Cry….But I do

February 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

I don’t know how parents of chronically ill children manage.  I mean I guess you don’t have a choice.  If your child is ill you do what needs to be done to get them well.  But the stress on them.  On the parents.  It sucks and my kids aren’t even chronically ill.

About a year ago Sophie was diagnosed with reflux in one of her ureters which is the tube that leads from her kidney to her bladder.   Basically it is only supposed to drain out but the valve that regulates urine movement is faulty resulting in urine being able to travel back up into the kidney.  This has resulted in a series of kidney infections resulting in some minor permanent damage to her kidney.  We put her on daily antibiotics for the past year hoping to keep any new infections from happening.  There was a small chance that the reflux would resolve on its own. 

We were at Children’s Memorial Hospital this morning to check the reflux in her ureter.  To do so, a catheter is inserted into her urethra up into her bladder and a contrast dye is presented into the bladder.  If the reflux is present, you can see the dye travel from the bladder up into her kidney.  Which we saw today.  So the reflux has not resolved on its own.  Most likely she will need surgical intervention.

The worst part about today is that it took 6 attempts and three different individuals to get the catheter inserted.  Two of the six attempts actually got the catheter in but it was not in the right position.  Meanwhile my daughter is beside herself.  Screaming when they are attempting to get the catheter in place and my husband and I are holding her hands, trying to ease the pain and terror she is feeling.  There is nothing.  NOTHING.  like staring into the eyes of your child while they are being poked and prodded and helpless and screaming in pain and fear.  You are so completely helpless and trying to explain how important this test is to see if her kidney is better or still sick.  The worst part was knowing that multiple attempts were necessary and to watch her fear build as she realized it was going to happen again and again…..

When a pediatric urology resident finally came in and got the catheter placed properly I broke down.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  I had told them that he could try once and if it didn’t get in then we were done.  I wasn’t going to put her through anymore and we would regroup with her urologist to determine how to get the test done without so much pain and anxiety for all of us…but mostly Sophie.  She was so strong and amazing and once it was in place she was able to breathe a sigh of relief and assured us, “I know it doesn’t hurt when they take it out.”

So now it is 3:24 pm and I’m having a beer to destress….and if I could legally offer one to Sophie I would.

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  1. holycrow girl. I would be dying inside and in prison for murdering the stupoopid fucker who could not get a foley cath placed on a tiny girl and as I am certain that they work with kids all the time they should be able to. Easily. Omygoodness lovey. I am so sorry for Sophie and for you darlin. Love kisses ponies rainbows and chocolate to you. LOVE you


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