The Verdict Is In

February 17, 2011 at 7:05 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Last week we spent an agonizing day at Children’s Memorial Hospital having Sophie evaluated for her reflux with a follow-up to her pediatric urologist this week for the test results.  She has not spontaneously resolved any of the reflux so she is going to have surgery.  We have two options: a less invasive procedure with lower success rates and a more invasive procedure with higher success rates.  It is so hard to make decisions like this:  on one hand I know that we have to fix this.  But to be the parent and make the decision to put your child at risk, even though the outcome is in her best interest, is so freaking hard. 

Shortly after I was married my husband had back surgery.  I remember thinking, as they wheeled him towards the operating room, that if something happened to him I had to make the decisions regarding his care.  And that freaked me out big time.  I didn’t think I should be responsible for making decisions about his life even though he was my husband and technically it was part of the job description of wife.  It just seemed like he was a grown man and should be in charge of his own care…and in the event he couldn’t make his own decisions I thought hey, maybe his Dad would want to make these decisions.  Thankfully nothing bad happened and I didn’t have to make any decisions but the reality and gravity of that situation was overwhelming.

Now I find myself in a similar situation knowing that my daughter has to have a procedure to repair a malfunctioning part of her body.  But when the doctor started reading through the list of possible complications and their outcomes I wanted to walk out of the room and throw up.  I don’t think I could live with myself if something happened to her…even thought I know logically that if this issue isn’t corrected much worse things lie in wait for her so not acting is not an option.  The odds are in her favor and I love her urologist – he is very cautious and not anxious to cut her open.  So have to put my faith in him and what is best for her and hope to hell all runs smoothly.  It won’t happen until after the school year is finished so we have some time to prepare.  But we also have time to wait.  And think.  And worry.

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